This might sound a little more dramatic than it actually is, apologies. But I have made a decision. I have made up my mind and figured out what I want. Or at least a kind of. Before I tell you what it exactly is, I would like to share my story of the last couple of months.
Ever since I have returned to the Netherlands writing a blog didn’t feel the same. It took more energy, I was less motivated and had other things I would rather do than right a blog when it was Tuesday. Moreover, it started to feel like an obligation, instead of writing it out of passion.
I struggled for weeks. I tried to reflect and use this struggle to improve my content. To share what was going on in my life and how I dealt with it. Mission failed, since I still haven’t figured out how to deal with it. I guess you can call the struggle growing up as well.
I noticed that I am fighting a constant battle between the person I want to be(come) and the person I currently am. I experienced quite a gap between the two to be honest. On the one hand I want to spend my time reading, developing myself and learning about all the aspects of life, but on the other hand I want to enjoy my last months in the Netherlands and spend time with my loved ones. A exhausting battle, I can ensure you.
I have never been a good ‘acceptor’. By acceptor I mean a person who can accept situations like they are and let go of their negative thoughts. I tend to drift away in them and give them too much attention. But I think we all do at times, right?
Before I come back to the story, let me tell you how I try to deal with the insecurities and this battle that is taking place in my mind. First of all, as Steve Jobs said:
You just have to believe. You have to believe things will get better and that the dots will connect down the line. Even though, it might feel at times that you life is falling apart; stick in there and trust the process. Moreover, there is one key word: moving. Keep on moving. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and to get taken aback, resulting in not taking care of your health. It’s easy to look for distraction in alcohol, and maybe for some people even drugs. But come back to the basics, the foundation if you’d like, and keep moving in every sense of the word.
Lastly, there is one key element and that’s; look back and look how far you’ve come. Appreciate the (baby) steps you have taken and be proud. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and soak in this quote:
That’s it for the advice I’d like to give you. Back to the story. What decision did I make and why?
As I mentioned before, because of the struggle I am facing I couldn’t put the effort and time in the blogs to give you the quality you deserve. I would write blogs ‘just to write’ blogs. Even though, pushing through and keep writing blogs even when I didn’t t feel like it taught me a lot, I noticed I wasn’t reaching the goal I wanted to reach with every blog.
And that goal is not too clear or pre-set. But I would like to share with you why I started to write blogs in the first place. The goal or dream of these blogs was to inspire. To help you go through life, by sharing my experiences and lessons. To share my journey of going from zero awareness and a ‘going through life just to go through life’ mentality to becoming self-aware and reflecting on a daily basis. The goal was to reflect on difficult moments and experiences that impacted me and share how I felt and dealt with it. To not try to avoid life’s curveballs; but face them head on – still trying to not getting hit by them in the face.
Because that is what’s giving me energy, that is what giving me satisfaction. To help and serve. To inspire. But as I said before; blogs writing started to look like the first 20 years of my life; I was doing it just because I had to. And you guys deserve more than that.
You deserve more time and energy put into the blogs. You deserve better pieces and more thoughtful writing.
Tonight I came to the realisation that I don’t want to write blogs just to write blogs. I want to commit to every blog and write it because I like writing it. And since I don’t have the time, or actually don’t make the time due to other priorities, I realized it is time to say goodbye to this little adventure…! And that choice isn’t as easy made as it might sound now.
However, Let’s not end on a negative, bad note! Because I got some good news: I will be back.
I still have a passion for helping people. My passion for sharing my knowledge to help you grow. To help you unlock your full potential or help you become more self-aware.
I picture myself as being a sponge. A sponge that is still very tiny and a sponge that is about to suck up a shitload of water in the form of information, lessons and experiences at an amazing company called LinkedIn. My dream is to become the biggest sponge ever by sucking up as much as I can in order to squeeze out all the knowledge, experiences and lessons and help/inspire the people around me.
So to conclude; I am so grateful for the decision I made to start writing blogs. I have come a longer way than I ever expect to come. I have learned so much by reflecting on my behaviour, actions and moments. I have become more self aware and more thoughtful. I don’t regret any mistake I made and I am happy my English wasn’t on point many times because those are the moments I learned.
And obviously I can’t let you go before a massive thank you to you! To all the people who have supported me, who have helped my point out my mistakes, who have shared my content and who have liked it. You guys are the best! Even though, my goal was never to reach a certain amount of views or likes; it certainly helps and gave me more motivation.
Moreover, remember: I will be back! But I need to have some time before I leave to Dublin and need to experience it first over there.
I hope you all understand and that you liked reading my blogs! Have a great one and you rock!