Being lazy is a feeling that we all have experienced in our lives probably. During our holidays, on a Sunday morning or on a day off, we all know how it feels to stay in bed, stay in our pyjamas and be lazy for a day. Being lazy is awesome, since we are always busy. But laziness can have an opposite, down side as well; when laziness becomes the standard and everything starts to feel heavy, costing lots of effort and lacking any joy. I have let laziness become the standard and I am currently experiencing the negative side effects of it. Find out what it is doing to me, why I hate to be lazy and what I am trying to do to get rid of this terrible feeling in this week’s blog.
Before I start, lets go back to the feeling. Do you recognize the feeling of not having energy to do anything? The feeling of just not doing anything? The only thing you feel like is staying in bed, wasting your time on watching stupid videos on Facebook. Or at least that’s how I have felt like the last couple of weeks.
Let me take you back to my puberty. The best word to sum it up is probably laziness; When I was in the middle of my puberty I would always lay on the couch. I would try to watch TV for as long as I could, since my mom would at some point take the remote and shut it down. I would eat crap, wouldn’t do anything and only have arguments with my mom. I would be angry with her, since I couldn’t deal with the anger I felt for my own behaviour.
Coming back from Barcelona a couple of weeks ago, having finished my studies, I had troubles transitioning back into life at home. I didn’t have a routine anymore, or school to fall back on. I knew I wouldn’t start my dream job at LinkedIn until July, and my temporary job wouldn’t start until the beginning of March. This period gave me some time to enjoy some holidays, which I certainly did.
But this period has also given me time to think. And it has probably given me too much time to think, since I started to overthink every single decision. I started to fall back in my old behaviour back in puberty. I stopped doing the things I liked, and basically stopped doing anything. I started to stay in bed longer, quit working out and spend most of my days in front of the TV.
I started to live by the day, not thinking about tomorrow. Planning ahead felt just like too much effort. I didn’t want to leave my parents house, since it was too comfortable. I couldn’t motivate myself to do the things I normally enjoy, like reading books or getting inspired, since I couldn’t find the joy or even energy to do it.
You can probably guess what happened next; I started to feel frustrated, unhappy and unmotivated. And you might think: “Why didn’t you just do something? Why didn’t you take action? Why do you let yourself feel so sorry for yourself?” Great questions. I wish I had great answers, but unfortunately I don’t.
When I wanted to start writing my weekly blog yesterday, I realized I didn’t have anything to write about since I hadn’t done anything lately. I had an amazing weekend last weekend with my friends, were I wanted to write about initially. But it felt wrong to write ‘a happy blog’ about how awesome life was last weekend, while I am actually struggling with myself at the moment.
So what is the goal of this week’s blog, writing down how sorry I feel for myself? I hope I don’t come across that way. I believe a lot of people have been or currently are in the same situation. A terrible situation where life just feels depressing. And I believe that you need someone in that situation that helps you. For me it was my girlfriend.
She held up a mirror and confronted me with my own behaviour, which was obviously affecting her as well. She told me, and made me realize, that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, start taking actions and allowing myself less time to think. I believe this quote sums it up perfectly:
So to conclude this week’s blog; I am still struggling with my mind, and myself but I know that there is only one medicine: taking action. I have to get out of this bubble, which is probably the core of my comfort zone, and start initiating things. I cannot let my inner voice win and stop doing anything, since that is never the answer.
Are you in a similar situation at the moment? Please feel free to reach out and start the conversation, since I know how hard it can be to get out of it by yourself! Don’t let your inner bitch win!